Happy New (Fiscal) Year!

As much as I love Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, I’ve never understood why modern calendar makers are still stuck on his birthday as the basis for our dating system. I mean, yes, he’s totes the best Lord and Savior out there (stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Dalai Lama), but let’s face it: it ain’t exactly Jesus that’s making the world go round these days, it’s the American Euro, also known as The Dollar.

Fwaaaaaah.

That is the spirit in which I celebrate October 1st as the beginning of my personal year. And this year looks to be a good one. Democrats in Congress are on the ropes, mostly for trying to bring unwanted healthcare to an electorate who very obviously prefers runaway insurance premiums and arbitrary denials of coverage by our corporate overlords. And isn’t that the way it should be?

Who needs healthcare anyway? This is America, where we live for the NOW, and no, Martha Burk, I am not talking about the National Organization of Womenazis. We’re not interested in long-term health anyway, or else why would we eat Wonder Bread and drive the Hummers that God made for us?

Stupid Democrats. All it would take to make Obamacare popular is to guarantee that big companies can continue to rake in untold, untaxed riches at the expense of little guys like you and me without making any of us think about preventative care or long-term planning (depressing!), and if you could throw in a tax cut for the big HMOs financed by cutting money for education or saving baby seals, so much the better.

I’m telling you, Democrats, if you listened to me, you’d be headed for Congressional majorities you could sustain until the next time you try to do something helpful and altruistic.

Thankfully, Obama and his majority party liberal tyrants are too busy governing the country and being decent peeple to pay any attention to a genius electoral strategist like me. Which is why this (fiscal) year is shaping up to be so beautiful. Once the Republicans retake the House and Senate, we can all start forking our money back over to defense contractors, oil companies, and rich peeple – America’s winners. And since the electorate will blame the resulting tide of misery squarely on Obama, it’s a hop, skip, and a jump to impeach his Kenyan ass before next New (Fiscal) Year!

God bless the Republic! And Happy New (Fiscal) Year! It’s the truest American holiday!

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