Michele Bachmann’s migraines are turning out to be a real headache for her campaign.
But the Bachmann campaign is firing back today over allegations that the candidate’s migraine headaches – and the associated heavy pill usage – are anything other than Ms. Bachmann’s standard operating procedure. “She’s had the pain for years,” said campaign spokesperson Paul Inghoff, “ever since she had the operation to replace her brain with an underfed Chihuahua.
“The thing that always surprises me,” Inghoff added, “is why voters keep electing her. It’s almost like some of their brains have been replaced, too.”
The allegations about Ms. Bachmann’s migraines and pill usage were first reported by The Daily Caller, the “news source” co-founded and edited by Tucker Carlson, who, like Bachmann, also underwent a brainectomy. Unlike Bachmann, however, Mr. Carlson declined to have his brain replaced with anything, and had his heart surgically removed for good measure.
In response to a request for comment, Mr. Carlson said simply, “fuck you.”
There is no word as yet as to why The Daily Caller reported on Bachmann’s migraines while omitting any mention of her brain transplant, though speculation is that the news was entirely self-evident. “I mean, have you ever listened to that woman for five seconds?” said everyone in the world.
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