Punch-Counterpunch: Obama’s Ramadan Proclamation

Punch-Counterpunch is a regular feature of the Bad Apples Blog, pitting conservative pundit Jack Hammer (and his gigantic supply of testosterone) against latte-drinking liberal Fox P. Wisconsin. Because Mr. Wisconsin is a pacifist and terrified of conflict, we let him go first.

PUNCH
FOX P. WISCONSIN:

I think it’s pretty wonderful that in this day and age of unnecessarily heated rhetoric about Muslims, Mr. Obama took a moment out to issue a proclamation to commemorate the holy month of Ramadan.

Sadly, Fox News disagrees. Next up on The O’Reilly Factor, Obama’s Two-Front War: Easter AND Christmas. Ugh. When will people stop listening to these lies and blatant distortions?

Though I personally am not a person of faith, I nevertheless believe it’s in our interests as a nation and as human beings to respect the beliefs of others. And I’m glad that our President feels the same way.

COUNTERPUNCH
JACK HAMMER:

You wanna know what I’m glad about? I’m glad that my job here is to disagree with you, because your beliefs are stupid I have no respect for them or for you. I’m also glad that in addition to having no God, you have no spine, you candy-ass.

Next thing you know, you’ll be telling us that communists and socialists have valid points to make, and that we should “respect” their rabid anti-Americanism and their desire to tear down everything this country holds holy, like God and the Tea Party. You make me sick, you pinko slime.

And if your president isn’t fighting a war on Easter, where the hell was the Easter proclamation this year? Oh, wait, let me guess: Comrade Obama just forgot to issue one of those, right? Sure he did. Maybe this will be like his birth certificate: if we keep asking for two years, he’ll finally produce one and claim it existed all along.

Jack Hammer is the president of Americanism Without Borders, a conservative think-tank. He is also a member of the board of directors for Americans for Things Americans Can Believe In. Fox P. Wisconsin owns an organic iPad.

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